For the love of Cheeze Whiz!
by Lily of the Shadow
Summary: Hailey was your average girl, until one day she skipped detention and plunged into a horror far worse... MarySuedom! Total MS, pure humor. Flames welcomed and will be used to incinerate the school and everything in it.


He he he... this idea just... came to me. I don't know if it will be continued or not, I just... Yeah. Total Mary-Sue, insipid and absurd humor. Enjoy!  
  
Hailey Hakan was far from perfect. Her skin was marred by a few blemishes, probably the result of her last chocolate binge she thought, and her frizzy brown hair refused to stay in it's nice, neat ponytail. Her plain blue eyes stared listlessly into space as her teacher droned on about some watershed or another.  
  
Hailey wondered why they were called watersheds, when they weren't sheds. Drainage areas would be more appropriate, wouldn't it? But then again... They 'shed' water, did they not? Hailey sighed, blowing her bangs out of her face.  
  
"Hakan! Can you please tell me what is so interesting about the clock?" Mrs. Paisley snapped, jolting Hailey out of her reverie.  
  
"Umm... The hands are moving and counting the time until the school can be rid of me for the weekend?" Hailey offered. Mrs. Paisley glared at her.  
  
"That will be a detention, Hakan. Report to the Study Hall promptly after class. Mr. Jones will let me know if you are late or don't show up."  
  
Hailey sighed. 'Another day, another detention.' She thought. The bell rang and she stood up and bolted out of the room as fast as possible. Nobody would mind if she skipped detention just once... again...  
  
She was among the first out of school, running towards the buses as fast as possible. Well, the other students were. They would've informed her bus driver that she was not to leave school, so Hailey would have to find alternate means of transportation.  
  
Hailey made her way to the woods behind the school. She reached the edge of the forest and barely paused before diving into the pathless undergrowth. It was an unspoken rule amongst the students, many of whom used the forest to escape, that you did your best not to leave trails or paths until out of sight of the tree line. There, from a clearing, led three distinct paths. One led near the downtown district, and the other two led to the two major subdivisions in the suburbs. Hailey paused when she reached the clearing. She looked around in confusion.  
  
"Where am I?" She asked, the infamous first words. For she was not in the familiar clearing, but another. Surrounded by trees that were certainly older than any she had seen before, except maybe that time her family visited the Petrified Forest on their cross-country trip, she was completely lost.  
  
"Lady, you are in Mirkwood Forest!" A lilting voice rang out behind her. She turned to see a tall man with long blonde hair with a smitten look on her face.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"I am Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood! And who might you be, fair maiden?" She asked, stepping forth to take her hands in his own.  
  
"Umm..." She stalled, pulling her hands out of his. She stopped, gaping at her hands. The now pale, ivory flesh bore no trace of the blue ink that had stained it yesterday when her pen exploded, nor were her nails covered in chipped, brown polish. They were long, but not too long, and shaped perfectly, like her fingers. Hailey put her hands to her face and found no trace of the three pimples that she had bemoaned earlier. She touched a lock of her now silky-smooth, chocolate colored hair. Her crystalline blue eyes widened in shock.  
  
"Oh NO! I-I-I-I-I'm a..." She gasped dramatically, "MARY-SUE!" She cried, sinking to her knees in despair.  
  
"Lady Mary-Sue, please, allow me to assist you! There is no need for a maiden as yourself to kneel in the dirt. We are mere hours from Rivendell, perhaps you will accompany me?"  
  
"Umm... Sure. Maybe Elrond will know what to do with me." She said. Then she stopped again. "And my name is Hailey, not Mary-Sue. I AM a Mary-Sue, that isn't my name!"  
  
"Are all Mary-Sues as beautiful as thou, milady?" Legolas inquired, still gazing at her.  
  
"Umm..." Hailey was at a loss. She finally settled for a shrug, and then set off in a random Direction. Apparently she picked the right one, because soon Legolas snapped out of his trance to follow her.  
  
As he said, within hours they reached Rivendell.  
  
"You know, It's weird. Very other Mary-Sue I know of goes through a period of denial before she accepts that she is stuck in Middle-Earth with the most handsome elf in the world and is forced to marry him." Hailey thought out loud as they descended the rocky pathways into the valley.  
  
"What was that, fair maiden?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Nothing, Leggy!" Hailey sighed. They reached the gates.  
  
"Prince Legolas! You are awaited in the Council." One of the guards said. Hailey groaned. Not only was she stuck in the Movie-verse, but she had made Legolas late to the Council of Elrond!  
  
"Aye, I'll go see to that now." He said, dragging Hailey after him to the courtyard where they council was held.  
  
He took his seat and Hailey leaned up against the back of his chair, having no idea where else to go.  
  
"Anyway, not that Legolas has decided to grace us with his presence, may we get on with it? The Ring, Frodo."  
  
"Isn't that supposed to come later or something?" Hailey spoke up.  
  
Quite a few pairs of eyes swiveled towards her. She noted the presence of the Fellowship, minus Sam, Merry and Pippin, who where hiding presently. Hailey sighed, for all pairs suddenly adopted a look of blind, dopey adoration, very similar to the one that Legolas had been giving her. Hailey's eyes widened.  
  
"Oh for the love of Cheeze Whiz!" She groaned, throwing up her hands. She glanced around once more and shuddered.  
  
She didn't need those looks from the dwarves or Elrond and especially not from Gandalf.  
  
Heh... I amused myself. So, yea or nay? 


End file.
